With a Little Help From My ‘Friends’

Throughout history, great powers have mastered the art of controlling nations without conquest. The strategy is elegant in its simplicity: first, secure influence through financial incentives—mining rights in Ghana, oil fields in Syria, coffee plantations in Nicaragua. When cooperation falters, they activate Plan B. This backup plan never requires boots on the ground. Instead, they fund local insurgents with cash and weapons, train fighters in secondary locations far from scrutiny, and control the narrative through media, painting even questionable groups as freedom fighters. The genius lies in plausible deniability. If the operation fails, there’s no accountability. If it succeeds, a puppet government emerges. Either way, the superpower wins. But what about the people caught in the middle?

Senator John McCain with Syrian rebels

When the Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan in 1979, the world watched as poorly armed Mujahideen guerrillas achieved the impossible—defeating one of two global superpowers. Foreign fighters, primarily from Pakistan and Arab states, joined the cause. Desperate against Soviet brutality, Afghans welcomed every able-bodied volunteer. The strategy worked. By 1989, the Soviets withdrew in defeat, and the Muslim world erupted in celebration. Then came the reckoning. Civil war tore apart the coalition that had fought together. The Taliban emerged victorious in 1996, imposing brutal policies including banning women from education—a direct assault on Islamic values in the name of Islam. The foreign fighters who had “saved” Afghanistan left behind a fractured nation unable to govern itself.

The pattern repeated in Chechnya. Following the Soviet collapse, Chechnya fought for independence from 1992 to 1996. Al-Qaeda operatives, including Saudi national Ibn al-Khattab, joined the fight. Against all odds, Chechnya won independence in 1996, and Muslims worldwide celebrated again. Surely these Islamist groups would help build a functioning state? Ibn al-Khattab had other plans. Rather than governance, he established terrorist training centers throughout the Caucasus. Internal fighting consumed the next two years. Enter Vladimir Putin. In 1999, Russia’s new Prime Minister launched a second war. This time, Chechnya was crushed and reintegrated into Russia. The brief taste of freedom—made possible partly by foreign fighters—ultimately cost Chechens their independence entirely.

Gaza presents the most recent example. In 2005, Hamas defeated the internationally-backed Fatah in democratic elections. Despite being militant and isolated, Hamas represented change, and Palestinians voted for hope. Muslims celebrated another Islamist victory. What followed was fratricidal nightmare. Instead of uniting against the threat on their borders, Hamas and Fatah plunged into civil war. Hamas assassinated Fatah members and supporters, imprisoned dissenters, and subjected questioners to torture. Most shocking, Hamas forces shot Palestinian civilians attempting to collect humanitarian aid. The pattern repeated: initial victory, followed by devastating internal conflict that harmed civilians more than the external enemy ever had.

A Familiar Story: Infighting in Afghanistan, Chechnya, Gaza

The uncomfortable truth is this: since the 1990s, when Islamist foreign fighters join liberation movements in Muslim states, they consistently cause more damage to civilians than the non-Muslim oppressors they claimed to fight. Why does this happen? Young men who become foreign fighters are fanatical soldiers but terrible rulers. Their skills lie in combat, their mindset in martyrdom. They actively seek conflict rather than stability, lack administrative capacity to govern, refuse to yield power to civilian leadership, thrive in chaos instead of peace, and transform victories into warlord fiefdoms. Numbers feel reassuring during desperate struggles, but history screams a warning: the cost of foreign fighter assistance far exceeds any temporary military advantage.

Muslim nations will continue facing moments when populations demand change from entrenched rulers. This is natural in the transition toward effective governance, but success requires learning from past mistakes. When removing an overstaying leader, the process must prioritize legal mechanisms whenever possible, ensure leadership succession is planned before transition begins, use military force sparingly and under civilian oversight, accept financial assistance cautiously favoring humanitarian aid over weapons, and establish one firm red line: no foreign fighters under any circumstances. Foreign fighters transform homelands into mercenary playgrounds. What begins as “assistance” evolves into competing warlord factions fighting for territory, extended conflict long after the original grievance, state collapse as seen in Afghanistan and Somalia, international intervention with strings attached, and lost sovereignty as external powers claim stakes. The principle is simple: if change cannot be achieved by the local population using primarily local resources, then the change is not truly yours. Victory obtained through foreign military intervention becomes a hollow achievement—you trade one master for another.

External powers have long manipulated Muslim nations by funding insurgencies and backing armed groups. This strategy works because we allow it to work. By accepting foreign fighters, we invite external interests to dictate our futures. Mastering self-determination means accepting that genuine change takes longer without foreign assistance, understanding that harder-won victories are more sustainable, recognizing that civilian casualties from internal conflict destroy the legitimacy of any cause, building administrative capacity alongside military resistance, and planning for governance before achieving military victory. Every liberation movement faces a critical decision point: accept foreign fighters and boost numbers immediately, or reject them and fight with only local support. History has rendered its verdict. The short-term gain of foreign fighters leads to long-term catastrophe. The initial victory celebrations ring hollow when civil war follows. The young martyrs who helped win freedom become the warlords who destroy it.

If the Ummah embraces this lesson, we achieve two crucial victories: we neutralize the external power strategy of controlling us through funded insurgencies, and we guarantee that our change is authentically ours—built by local people, for local people, with local legitimacy. The path is harder. The timeline is longer. The sacrifice is greater. But the outcome is ours to keep.

Afghanistan, Chechnya, and Gaza teach the same painful lesson: foreign assistance in liberation struggles comes with a price tag that compounds over decades. The Afghans, Chechens, and Palestinians are worse off today than before their “victories.” The question is not whether Muslim nations will face internal struggles for reform and justice—they will. The question is whether we’ll repeat the mistakes of the past, or finally internalize the lesson written in blood across multiple continents. True liberation cannot be outsourced. Freedom fighters who understand governance, who plan for peace as carefully as for war, who prioritize civilian protection over martyrdom—these are the forces that build lasting change. Reject the foreign fighters. Accept the longer road. Own your destiny. Only then will victory mean something more than a temporary celebration before the next tragedy.

Stuck In the Middle With You!

Consider the following three scenarios and ask yourself: Who is in the most challenging position?

  • Scenario 1: A 21-year-old male, married to a 20-year-old female from a village in Sindh province, Pakistan. The marriage was conducted in a traditional Muslim ceremony. He works as a technician for a manufacturing company.
  • Scenario 2: A 25-year-old woman from Seattle, WA, who enjoys attending raves on weekends and has already had sexual experiences with half a dozen partners. She works as a Chemist for a biotech company.
  • Scenario 3: A 33-year-old Indian woman, a virgin, living with her family in Brooklyn, NY. She works remotely as a software engineer. Her parents are preparing to arrange her marriage to someone in Hyderabad, India.

Surprisingly, despite conventional wisdom among Desi parents, the third scenario presents the greatest difficulties. Traditionally, parents encourage their children to remain virgins until marriage, believing this to be the best path. However, the arranged marriage market has become increasingly complex. In the 1980s, parents would choose from a dozen suitable candidates within a close geographic range, making decisions quickly. Since the late 2000s, the internet has dramatically expanded these options, created global connections and increased the pool of potential partners.

Bollywood: Romance movies create unrealistic expectations for marriage

The rise of romance shows on streaming services has also influenced young people, leading many to pursue the idea of finding a soulmate. As a result, many spend their twenties waiting for the perfect partner, often dismissing relationships that do not meet their idealized expectations. In conservative families, this means remaining a virgin until marriage. When reality eventually sets in, they may settle for the next best option rather than their ideal match.

Hormones don’t last: decline begins as early as mid-20s

Choosing not to have sex in your twenties is akin to avoiding candy until you are fifty. While it may seem like a disciplined and moral decision, it also means missing out on an enjoyable life experience. Experiencing intimacy after thirty is not the same as doing so earlier. Although the physical act and pleasure remain, the best years for such experiences have passed. Sex hormones—testosterone for men and estrogen for women—begin to decline around age 32, marking the first stage of aging.

For parents, the question arises: Is it wise to keep their children’s virginity locked in an arranged marriage contract? If your son or daughter remains unmarried at thirty, it is healthier for their future self if they are experiencing intimacy. They do not need to publicize this or share it on social media, but experiencing intimacy matters for their well-being. If religious or cultural beliefs make this unacceptable, consider allowing marriage in the early twenties.

With the rapid development of the virtual world, young people now have more options than ever, connecting globally through social media and other platforms. However, having more choices can be overwhelming, and the quest for the perfect partner can lead to indecision and dissatisfaction.

For families who support arranged marriages, it is important to give their children the opportunity to experience intimacy in their twenties, whether within or outside marriage. Missing out on these experiences can result in feelings of depression and resentment. It is essential to recognize that life experiences — travel, food, music — should be enjoyed at an appropriate time, and early adulthood is often the best period for this. The same principle applies to sex.

The irony is stark: South Asian culture values virginity until marriage as a virtue, while simultaneously encouraging children to delay marriage until their careers are established. These two expectations create a trap. By the time someone reaches their thirties, unmarried and virgin, they have not only missed the biological prime for sexual experience, but also the developmental years for learning intimacy, building confidence, and understanding relationships. The person in Scenario 3—the 33-year-old virgin in Brooklyn—faces challenges that neither the young married technician nor the experienced Seattle professional encounters. She must now learn what others learned a decade earlier, entering marriage without the relationship skills her peers developed through experience.

The cost of waiting is not just biological. It is psychological, emotional, and social. Cultural values that made sense in an era of early arranged marriages have become harmful when combined with modern expectations of career establishment first. Parents who want the best for their children must recognize this contradiction and choose; either support early marriage in their twenties or accept that their children will gain intimate experience outside of marriage. Maintaining both traditional virginity expectations and modern career-first timelines creates the worst possible outcome—leaving young adults in their thirties inexperienced, unprepared, and having missed the window when these experiences shape us most profoundly.